In case you are not familiar with the rhetorical flourish in our headline, it is called Doing A Sarcasm, because out of the entire Congress we are not sure there is anybody whose opinion of marriage equality is less relevant. We’re sorry. None of these Republican bigots’ opinions are relevant, but Lauren Boebert just really stands out to us as Who The Fuck Are You?
As we believe it says in Proverbs — your translation may vary — “People whose future traditional married husbands got arrested and went to jail for allegedly showing their penis to the bowling alley, and that was just one of the times one or both of these people have been arrested, do not get to comment on other people’s marriages. Ever. Fuck off. Go away, asshole. Nobody cares about the opinion of the former owner of ‘Shooters’ bar and grill in Squirrel Herpes, Colorado.”
What? You didn’t have to memorize that Bible verse at church camp? And you call yourself a Bible scholar. PFFFFFT!
But sure fine fuck it, we’ll talk about this. Boebert was chatting with Charlie Kirk at whatever Turning Point Circle Jerk thing he’s been doing this week, and they discussed the bill the House had to pass to codify marriage equality in law, now that the illegitimate partisan hack Supreme Court has overturned Roe v. Wade, thus declaring war on the privacy rights and bodily autonomy of all Americans who aren’t white, straight conservative Christian men. And that fuckin’ asshole Boebert dared to say that Congress has “launched an all-out assault on America’s traditional values.” To which we again reply fuck off.
But that was only the beginning of the stupid what flowed from the mouth of this elected official:
She said:
“I think the federal government should not be involved in marriage,” she said. “My marriage between my husband is really between me and God, not between me and the government.”
Just her and God. Her marriage between her husband is between her and God. Them is some English words.
Does God give her tax benefits if she and her husband file together? Does God dole out Social Security survivor benefits, or a ton of other federal marriage benefits? No. Fuck off.
“But this was absolutely unnecessary. They have attacked our institutions. They have weakened the nuclear family and undermined masculinity and even femininity.”
Those words don’t even goddamn mean anything.
But glad to know these people are so weak that they feel their masculinity and/or femininity is under attack — and their God isn’t strong enough to protect them either! — because gays and lesbians have their marriages recognized by the government.
She went on to say that the Republicans who voted in favor of the legislation—including Rep. Elise Stefanik, the No. 3 House Republican, and Wyoming Rep. Liz Cheney—did so because they wanted to avoid a political backlash.
One of the most important things to understand about white bigots is that they all really truly think that everybody who looks like them secretly thinks like they do and shares all their irrational low-information voter prejudices. Their brains can’t even conceive of the idea that people like Cheney just aren’t bigots like they are. Hell, even Elise Stefanik, garbage human that she is, doesn’t have a perfect record on LGBTQ+ rights, by any means, but she’s not known for being a fire-breathing bigot.
The rest of the clip is stupid and you don’t give a shit, the end.
OPEN THREAD.
[Newsweek]
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