Solo dating gains traction in search for quality time

Dining alone at a cosy café, watching a movie solo, or treating oneself to a spa day—these once-taboo activities are becoming a trend as more people discover the joys of solo dating.

What started as an act of self-care has blossomed into a movement of self-discovery, independence, and unfiltered joy. For some, it is a break from the hustle of life. For others, it is a path to reclaiming their identity.

Amondi Aroko took up solo dates as a self-care mechanism in 2022.

“I am the eldest in my family and have always been the one who took care of everyone. But when my siblings got jobs and my parents settled down, I realised I had no idea how to take care of myself,” the 31-year-old shares.

“So, I started exploring self-love and independence, while also reflecting on the concept of black tax.”

Now, Ms Aroko goes on solo dates twice a month. “I often dine out alone, but sometimes I treat myself to a movie or a spa day. Other times, I go for picnics just to people-watch,” she says.

If you consider going on solo dates, you might wonder, “Does it ever get lonely?” Ms Aroko admits that in the beginning, it did.

“When I started, there were times I felt very lonely. I would constantly question myself, wondering, ‘Why am I doing this alone? Am I depressed? Is it weird that I’m doing this all by myself?’ But with time, I started enjoying my own company, and it has made me very independent.

Now, if I hang out with people and don’t feel the same way I do when I’m alone, I don’t go back for a second hangout,” she explains.

Ms Aroko has found a creative way of choosing her date destinations.

“Every month I write my activities according to the letters of the alphabet. For instance, this month I went on a bowling date because there was ‘B’.

“I research for activities, arrange them in alphabetical order, then tick them off as I go. So, when there is a Saturday when I am free, I pick an activity to do and as long as it is within my budget, I do it. I have been to About Thyme, Soho and the Valley Coffee Shop.”

Her must-take meal is chicken.

“I cannot visit a restaurant and not take chicken. If I go and they tell me that they do not have chicken, I just walk out. I will be travelling to Beijing for work soon and I am looking to explore the city and go on a couple of solo dates,” the journalist working with Tuko tells us.

Ms Aroko recounts an experience during a solo trip to Maasai Mara.

“I was the only solo person in the van. Everyone else was coupled up. They left me in the co-driver’s seat but engaged me in their activities. They weren’t weird about the fact that I was alone.”

The downside, she says, is that people often assume she is ‘hunting’ for a man. “When you show up alone at a busy place, people think you’re looking for a man.”

Traditionally, solo dates have been seen as something mostly for women, with many men hesitant to dine out or enjoy activities alone.

However, this is changing as more men embrace the idea of solo dates. For Ally Gakweli, his journey into solo dating began as part of a mission to enjoy his own company.

“I wanted to learn to be comfortable with myself, so I started going on solo dates. These days, I go to concerts and restaurants alone,” the 27-year-old shares.

Does he plan earlier in advance? Mr Gakweli, a marketing and communication specialist, says he is always on the lookout for activities advertised earlier in advance; that way he can plan for them.

“For instance, album launches and exhibitions are advertised ay earlier. However, for restaurants, I do not plan for it in advance. I have a list of places that I have always wanted to visit, so I just go checking off my list.”

Mr Gakweli has never had a woman approach him during his solo dates. “However, I use the opportunity to meet new people, socialise, and network.”

Ms Aroko says her cheapest solo date was a movie outing that cost Sh400, while the most expensive was a Sh60,000 solo trip to Dubai.

“For the Dubai trip, I had to plan with the help of a tour company,” she adds.

Mr Gakweli prefers to keep his plans flexible. “When I go on a solo date, I’m just by myself, and I don’t mind spending my own money.

Instead of having a strict budget, I set a limit on the number of solo dates I will go on each year. I usually do three activities a month,” he explains.

Emmah Cherutich’s love for solo dates began more than 10 years ago during her university days. “I’ve always loved experiencing new places and trying new foods. I also journal a lot during my solo dates,” she says.

Initially, she didn’t go on solo dates often due to financial constraints, but once she started working, it became a regular practice, happening at least once every two weeks.

“Solo dates are great for my mental health because I get to reflect a lot,” the 29-year-old shares.

Her source of inspiration is social media. “Whenever I see a nice place, I’d like to visit, I take a screenshot and make a mental note to check it out.

“So far, I’ve been to Enkikombe and Karen Kitchen, Maboneng Lounge and Restaurant, and Mama Rocks. My all-time favourite is the cake at Java.”

Ms Cherutich says she never feels lonely as she is always journaling during her solo dates. “Other times, I will just be on my laptop working or even watching something,” the businesswoman tells BD Life. Her go-to food is chicken and pork.

A heartbreak led Deborah Faraja to embark on her solo dating journey.

“After my last heartbreak, I started thinking about whether I truly enjoy my own company. I wanted to ground myself and get rid of the need to constantly be with people. Therefore, one day, I just woke up and popped into a café, and it was a nice experience.

“This was back in 2021, and now solo dates are a part of my life. I do it once a month,” the 22-year-old social media marketing manager shares.

“Sometimes, I want something casual. Other times, I want to dress up, show up, and take myself out on a date. I love fashion and believe our outfits often express how we feel,” she explains.

Ms Faraja sometimes battles loneliness during her solo dates.

“There are times when you see groups of friends or couples, and then it’s just you alone. But I think it’s important to experience that alone time with yourself.

“Of course, people will wonder why you’re alone, and sometimes men will approach you even after you’ve made it clear you want to be by yourself,” she says.

As more people embrace solo dating, it is clear that this practice isn’t just a trend; it’s a movement towards self-love, empowerment, and mental well-being.

Whether it’s about enjoying a meal alone, exploring a new city, or simply sitting in a park, these solo experiences allow individuals to reconnect with themselves, free from the expectations of society.

In a world that often demands so much of us, solo dating is a reminder that sometimes, the best company we can keep is our own.